Do you remember?

This time of year (and the last 4 1/2 weeks) has a way of bringing back many different flashbacks to a time of limbo, the wait...

There were few choices to be made, just time to hope, pray, wonder and be thankful for every day longer without delivering. By this time, now being in the hospital for 32 days I had placed almost 400 photos in albums, written about 100 thank you notes, read about 75 "thinking of you" cards, talked on the phone countless hours, been seen by dozens of Dr's and nurses, eaten some of the worlds worst food, had every test, poke, scan, procedure imaginable and still had no control over the events that were taking place. The body, the mind, what an amazing thing. How do we hold it together? I have no answers except, sometimes we have no choice. Like we tell the kids, you have two choices, eat your vegetables while you cry or eat them while you smile. The choice is obvious.

February 11th always comes in with a swirl of emotions, February 12th even more, the reality that I wasn't going home. Wondering if the girls would actually be born at 29 weeks. Crying as I told Darrin where the girls Valentine Bears were, thinking of them visiting with Aunt Sheri and Aunt Denise. Thankful for family and friends who came to help out, give hugs when I couldn't and just be there. Thank you everyone! Time passed and finally they said, "Do you want to turn the pump off for the medication?" 7:45 am, I did it! All by myself...finally some control!!!

4 years later, I sit and ponder again, "Who really is in control? The kids or me?"

Memories, good or bad, they always take us back, you just need to know that they are now filed in the cabinet called your life.